Villain Era

“Villian Era”.

A term that usually takes the form of “no more Mr. Nice Guy” (or Gal)-the moment where you are fed up and say forget it!

Today though I’m using it as a lens to consider how others view you. Take a moment to reflect.

Is there someone from a past relationship that has you starring as the villain in their story?

Shocking thought, right?

This idea crossed my mind when a student expressed to me that I wasn’t being an ethical Professor. They stated I graded poorly and harshly. (Mind you, I gave this student support and extensions, and they were not receptive to my feedback. What bothered me the most is I pride myself in treating my students fairly. It hurt to have my character attacked, but when I found out they dropped the course, I thought to myself “They will forever think I am a bad teacher.” Every time someone asks this student about me-it’s possible I’ll be the villain.

Diving deeper, I began to consider past relationships, both platonic and romantic. From the friendships that felt abandoned because I stopped reaching out (the phone does work both ways-just saying), to the time I wasn’t emotionally stable with that one boyfriend. I know when I’m remembered by some, thoughts of me won’t put a smile on their face and that use to keep me up at night.

I wonder, is it all about perception or are we sometimes in the wrong? Like In Sex and the City when Carrie cheated on Aidan, got back with him and then didn’t want to marry him (I’ll never forgive her for that). Or in Insecure when Molly wreaked Issa’s Block Party by confronting an issue that could have waited. I mean I’m sure we can agree those were villain moments, right?

I often reflect on daily conversations or interactions. I replay them to see if I could have been nicer or if I could have presented my words differently.

My therapist says there is nothing wrong with reflecting, though trying to correct every single encounter is not only time consuming, but also impossible.

I say do the best you can, apologize where it’s needed and treat others with respect.

Most of the time I can tell when I’m in a “Villian Era” and I apologize quickly. Other times I’m sure I’ve rubbed someone the wrong way and they never told me.

I can’t change the past or the video people have replaying of me. I do hope though I’m given grace and my growth is seen. I hope that instead of the villain I’m the hero in their story or at least the trusty sidekick. I hope I am the light at the end of the tunnel.

-Love you loves